Primary & Secondary Education
Supporting families facing bullying with a viable alternative
Impaq 7 Nov 2025
South African boys are fighting an invisible battle with pride and pain
Anti-Bullying Week — which was held from 10 to 14 November — is a reminder that emotional intelligence is equally a leadership skill as it is a school lesson. The way we raise and mentor our boys today will define the empathy, culture, and ethics of tomorrow’s workplaces.
Image credit: Keira Burton on Pexels
South Africa once again finds itself confronting the same distressing images: school children in uniform, fists flying, phones recording, and teachers watching helplessly.
These viral videos of bullying and gang-related violence among teens have become alarmingly common, each one a headline, a hashtag, and then, too often, a forgotten outrage.
Silence and pride
We have called it violence, we have called it peer pressure, we have also called it a failure of discipline, but beneath these visible wounds lies a quieter, more insidious force, one that begins in silence and pride.
We are watching the consequences of ego unfold among our boys. Many Gen Zs experience this battle in real time. It follows them in classrooms and on timelines.
From an early age, boys are taught that strength means control, that emotion signals weakness, and that respect is earned through fear.
Their vulnerability becomes something to hide, and their pride becomes the armour they wear to survive.
In this culture, ego is not just a personality trait; it is a survival mechanism that keeps them from asking for help, backing down, or walking away.
But when this ego hardens, it turns dangerous. It is what makes a teenage boy unable to take criticism without lashing out.
It is what transforms teasing into humiliation, and humiliation into violence.
It is what drives young men into gangs, seeking validation in numbers, loyalty in fear, and status through intimidation.
In this world, the line between self-defence and self-destruction blurs completely.
We are quick to respond with punishment, suspension, expulsion, and even police intervention, but discipline alone does not reach the root of the problem.
What we are witnessing is not merely a breakdown in behaviour, but in emotional education.
We have raised a generation of young men fluent in confrontation but illiterate in compassion.
Language of self-worth
Mental health is also about ego, empathy, and the ability to understand one’s emotions, not always anxiety or depression.
The boys who bully are not always villains. Many are experiencing pain they cannot name. They are mirroring what society has told them: that dominance is safety, and silence is strength.
To change this, we must teach boys a new language of self-worth. We must redefine masculinity in our homes, classrooms, and communities, not as dominance, but as dignity, not as control, but as connection.
They need mentors who show that being respected and being feared are not the same thing. They need schools that nurture emotional intelligence with the same seriousness as academics.
The digital playground
Social media has only deepened the crisis because in the digital playground, humiliation goes viral, and pride becomes performance.
A single fight clip can destroy a life in minutes, not only for the victim but for the perpetrator too, whose identity becomes defined by that one moment of rage.
Behind the views, likes, and comments are real children, many of them are still trying to figure out who they are.
Following Anti-Bullying Week, we cannot afford another campaign that starts and ends with slogans.
We need sustained investment in emotional literacy, mentorship, and access to mental health services in schools.
We need to hold parents, educators, and communities accountable for the lessons we model about ego, empathy, and what strength truly means.
Unchecked pride does not just hurt others but destroys them.
If we want to stop the cycle of bullying and youth violence, we must start by dismantling the silent ego traps we have built into our definition of manhood.
Pride, when healed, can become purpose, but when it festers, it becomes poison.
If we teach Gen Z boys that empathy is not weakness and vulnerability is not failure, we change the emotional DNA of the next generation of men.
About Jessica Gbedemah
Jessica Gbedemah is a final-year public relations and communication management student at the University of Johannesburg. She is currently completing her work-integrated learning (WIL) at Decode Communications as a PR Intern.
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